


A Pilgrimage

by bethfury



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-07
Packaged: 2017-11-18 02:58:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/556122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bethfury/pseuds/bethfury
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Driving without a license, tricking their children to eat their dinner, fighting about towels on the floor, drinking too much with their friends, and other things adults do in relationships. Living the stories and scenes that write a shared biography, Shepard and Kaidan live in a post-Reaper world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A very special thank you to my illustrator and collaborator kitsunebaba whose beautiful pictures help bring the story to life. You were truly a partner in this and I appreciate everything you did.
> 
> Thanks also to alishatorn for putting all of this together and giving me the motivation to write my longest piece yet. Plus for being sweet when I hit the "publish" button a little too early.

art by [kitsunebaba](http://kitsunebaba.livejournal.com/8285.html)  


* * *

_Normandy SR-2, Aite, October 2186 CE_  
  
He sleeps in her bed and no one questions it.   
  
Gear stowed in her closet, toothbrush kept on her sink, and each night he counts the shadows of her fish swimming lazy circles through the water.   
  
Everything is still hers and Kaidan wants it to be ours. But his feet tread over her worn routine paths on the room, pacing back and forth in the vain attempt to will the ship to leave.   
  
Her desk grows cluttered in repair specs for her ship and coffee mugs, as her models softly shine in the moonlight of the planet.   
  
When Traynor fixes the comm system the next month and the first pieces of news from the extranet filter through, nobody is talking about the victory anymore. The plaque they had made to commemorate her sits idle beside her bed, and he clutches grainy distant photos of her bloodied form pulled out of the wreckage or her hospital room through a window.   
  
The crew doesn’t question the revised repair timeline they receive the next day.  
  
 _Holding Cell 2, Vancouver, Valentine’s Day 2186 CE_  
  
“Commander, I am not your publicist or personal assistant, I’m your guard,” James folded his arms defiantly, “The Alliance doesn’t pay me to make your ex-boyfriends leave or make up reasons why you need to be alone.”  
  
Shepard craned her neck to look past him, catching a glimpse of a shadow before ducking back farther in her room.  
  
She pursed her lips, placing her hands on her hips, “James, please. I’m a prisoner, just say I’m not allowed visitors right now.”   
  
James leaned against the wall, his frame shaking with laughter, “Are you kidding? He has higher clearance than me and definitely knows that you are allowed visitors.”  
  
“Tell him I am asleep,” she suggested, her face growing warm as he continued to laugh.  
  
He shot her a mock-serious look, “Do I need to call the doc? Because I think being locked up has made you loco.”  
  
Shepard matched his stare, “I was crazy long before I met you James, but this isn’t necessarily helping the Savior of the Citadel’s mental state.”  
  
“Two days!” he exclaimed, “It has been only two days since you tried to pull that when you said the Savior of the Citadel deserved more pudding.”  
  
“It was true, you were holding out on me because you like the chocolate and I know they don’t serve butterscotch three days in a row,” her eyes grew with the accusation, holding up three fingers to support her point.  
  
James stood up straight and saluted, “I’m going to let him know that you’ll see him now.”  
  
“Wait,” she held up her hand, “how does he look?”  
  
“Shepard, they pay me to be your guard, not your wingman,” James sighed.  
  
“But, how does he look?” she asked again, as he turned down the hall.  
  
“You’ll want to go fix your hair quickly,” he called out, “Someone used your break to get into shape.”  
  
 _Alliance Hospital, London, October 2186 CE_  
  
The hill is very steep some days, the world is very black, and she is so cold.   
  
Shepard knows the goosebumps on her skin aren’t real, the wet blood on her hands is a nightmare of a memory. It is warm and sticky on her fingers and her veins seem to pulse with the pain shooting through her body.  
  
She knows that she is probably dead. She’s okay with being dead, it made sense for it to end that way.  
  
Some days, his voice echoes past her and Shepard swears it is his breath on her neck or his hand on her waist.   
  
She knows he isn’t real and wonders what his next wife will look like.   
  
Will they name their child Jane? Will he talk about Shepard in past tense? ‘I loved her’ or ‘I love her’?   
  
Will he wonder what these days were like in the dark and the pain?  
  
It never hurts as much to climb until he’s there and every plea to stop moving comes out as a wail. He would let her rest, he would let her sleep, she could stop fighting and he would wait.  
  
Her bare feet grip at the pebbles made from the wreckage of crumbling London, and her chest shatters like the Citadel that had fell around her.   
  
Her world is the ocean floor, her limbs heavy from the pressure and sunlight dancing in pinpricks from the surface. Her world is the cellar in her parents’ house, creaky wooden stairs leading out of the night. Her world is never the Normandy or her bed or a new day on Eden Prime, sun warm on her face.  
  
She remembers having shoes and a gun and a man to heal the bruises.   
  
Mordin’s voice explains lactic acid and pain receptors and the bitter taste of adrenaline and the best methods for preventing human infection while she waits for the sound of her ship and her people to meet her at the top.   
  
But the world skips when her eyes open to see her savior for a second time smiling down, “Shepard, we have to stop meeting like this.”   
  
It takes a moment for panic to set in. Pale blue blanket, sterile white walls, and the steady rise and release of a respiratory behind her. Miranda’s face falling in and out of focus, machines beeping and whirring beside the bed.   
  
Her hand moves to hold Shepard’s, “You have a tube in your throat to help you breathe, you’ve been unconscious for about a month, and we brought you back now to make sure you still had normal reflexes. But you are going to have to go back under while we work to fix you again.”  
  
Shepard’s grip tightens as tears begin to well in her eyes.   
  
Miranda squeezes back, “But he’s okay Shepard, they are all okay, and they are coming for you. You just need to stay strong and they will be here when you wake up.”   
  
The hill began to grow in front of Shepard as the drip of her IV started again.  
  
“Everything is okay now,” Miranda’s voice whispers beside her, “You saved us all.”  
  
Everything is black. Shepard can feel rain as she starts to climb.

_Rental Car, Illium, August 2189 CE_  
  
Kaidan’s eyes grew wide, “You don't have a drivers license?”  
  
The car shook again as she backed into the parking structure’s wall. The metal scraped cruelly against the concrete, and Kaidan silently thanked the rental car desk agent for insisting on additional insurance.  
  
“I did pretty good with the Mako considering,” she defended herself matter-of-factly, shifting quickly to the correct direction.  
  
He gave a half-laugh, before it set in that she still wasn’t joking, “You really didn't have a drivers license? But you didn’t even wear your seatbelt?”  
  
She hit the brakes hard as Kaidan braced himself in the passenger seat and car lurched forward again.  
  
“I have biotics, I don't need a seatbelt,” she raised an eyebrow, “You seem pretty stuck on the fact that I didn’t have a drivers license, I don’t remember you complaining.”  
  
He gave her a challenging grin, “Shepard, I wanted to sleep with you, I would never have insulted your driving.”  
  
“So, what you’re saying is that you want to stop doing that?” she asked, pulling forward.  
  
Kaidan’s voice turned to mock-shock, “Oh wow, you don’t have a driver’s license? No way! But you are such a good driver!”  
  
“I know, right?” she responded, hitting the gas, “I’m a complete natural.”  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

_Normandy SR-2, Aite, November 2186 CE_  
  
He builds their biography through screencaps off of security cameras and illustrations of her victorious gaze running towards the beam.  
  
Kaidan scans requisitions for hints of memories, remembering the smell of her favorite tea or the unnaturally blue soap glittering on her bathroom shelf. His hands linger over the soft fabric of a black sweatshirt or the silky curve of a dress as he shifts makes room in her closet. He memorizes the curves of the hills of Mindoir from the postcard tucked hidden in her desk and dreams of her freckles in the sun.  
  
Shepard’s voice loops through the room, authoritative and clinical, running through the mission reports.  
  
He saves the Mars file to his personal terminal, her voice stumbling and he wasn’t Major Alenko to her in that moment. His name spilled from her mouth, and he repeated the syllables over and over in his memory until her face came clear in stark clarity. Until he could remember each movement of her mouth as she said Kaidan, lips soft and purposeful.  
  
Miranda had called again that morning, ringing through the terminal when she knew no one else would see the communication come through.  
  
“It is still touch and go, but she is breathing on her own,” she explained, her face blurred in the static, “I want to say it is Shepard and she’ll be fine, but I can’t promise that yet.”  
  
“What can I tell the crew?” he asks, running his fingers over his temples.  
  
“Her vitals are improving everyday, she asks about the Normandy everyday and can’t wait to see everyone,” she states clinically, her eyes narrowing on his image, “Are you okay Major?”  
  
“Is that true?” he asks, “Has she asked about us?”  
  
Miranda takes a slow breath and he takes a moment to curse the connection before she clears her throat.  
  
“No, but if she was awake, you know she would be.”  
  
 _Crew Quarters, Normandy SR-1, May 2183 CE_  
  


“Never have I ever kissed an Asari,” Joker grinned, looking around the table to see Kaidan and Shepard both take quick drinks of their bottles.  
  
“I bet that is quite the story,” Kaidan glanced at the Commander who smiled fondly at whatever memory was playing through in her head.  
  
The night had escalated from friendly drinks with new co-workers, to friendly games with new friends, to a test between Shepard and Joker to see who would blush first. At a certain point, the case of beer had been nearly emptied out and the entire event had become mutually assured destruction for the group.    
  
Kaidan had gotten caught in its wake as more of the participants had shuffled off to bed or duty.  
  
“The first one, not really,” she shrugged, “The second and third, now they were special.”  
  
Joker choked on his beer as Kaidan’s cheeks reddened. Each started to open their mouth to say something, and seemed to individually decide to hope she would elaborate later.  
  
“I guess that means it is my turn,” she giggled, taking a quick sip of her drink, “Never have I ever streaked.”  
  
Kaidan took a quick drink and Shepard could swear he turned a darker shade of pink.  
  
“Now, if we are talking about entertaining stories, I bet that one is particularly good,” she leaned forward on her hands, “You’ll have to tell me that one in detail. What was the temperature that day?”  
  
“Or, we could just continue the game,” he shook his head nervously, “Never have I ever gambled.”  
  
Shepard and Joker clinked their glasses before tipping back, both giving devilish looks to Kaidan.  
  
“Completely vanilla Alenko,” Joker rolled his eyes, “Never have I ever gone to Chora’s Den.”  
  
Kaidan chuckled to himself before taking a drink, “I guess not that innocent Joker.”  
  
“My turn,” Shepard announced raising her beer and catching Kaidan’s eye,  “Never have I ever dated a soldier.”  
  
He swallowed hard as she stretched back, raising her arms high over head and leaning back in the chair. A glimpse of her stomach peeked out from her shirt, and Kaidan felt his resolve slip away with that pale skin.  
  
Joker looked at the pair and shook his head, “That’s my cue to go check on the ship. Not that I’m sure you’ll notice that I’m gone.”  
  
 _Alliance Hospital, London, November 2186 CE_  
  
She gives orders to her body like a Commander without a vessel, forced to retrain the memory of her insubordinate form with no threat of court martial or punishment.    
  
Left foot to right foot to the metallic thud of her cane. Scarred skin holding together mended bones and the sound of the Reapers vibrates through her chest with every forward step.  
  
Left hand to right hand to stop the subtle tremor that seems to travel across her form to undermine her promise to Miranda that everything feels better.  
  
“You have to take your medicine,” Miranda scolds as Shepard’s face grimaces from the pressure on her feet, “We don’t have the resources for all of our normal treatments, you need to trust the doctors.”  
  
Shepard lines the pills by her bedside, tic marks of accepted aches and nights resigned to no sleep. Pieces of her resolve and regret are falling debris as she paces the hospital's corridors and long stretches of empty silent rooms. Or at least she tells herself they are empty and not home to those not living in the cruel in-between that she had haunted after the crash. Their lack of visitors would never say either way.  
  
Her day is never the physical therapist stretching her legs or the plastic surgeon that promises to fix the scarring that angrily bisected her torso. It isn’t visits from friends and well-wishers, or the slowly growing inbox of cases and questions from leadership rich with respect but low with patience.  
  
It is the five minutes the comm operator takes her coffee break and leaves Shepard alone in the small room.  
  
“I didn’t plan for this,” she says quietly to Kaidan’s placid face, running her fingers over the screen, “I didn’t know this would happen.”  
  
The bruises on her legs have faded and the victory parades have already marched through their streets. No one is wearing yellow ribbons for missing soldiers and Shepard’s face on the front page of the paper is younger and more distant than when she looks in the mirror.  
  
“How could anyone plan this?” he asks, reaching out to meet her hand.  
  
She remembers the scar on her knee from a messy stumble as she ran into the fields from her parents’ farm towards the Alliance ship landing miles away.  
  
She remembers the first broken bone in N7 training, a misplaced foot on a forearm during hand-to-hand training.  
  
Shepard used to track the years passing in injuries and now she counts the grays in Kaidan’s hair.  
  
“Can you come home now?” she asks quietly as she hears the door swing open behind her.  
  
He smiles and Shepard counts her footsteps back to the room with his answer fresh in her head.  
  
“I’m almost there, I promise.”  
  
 _Altar to Kalahira, Kahje, March 2189 CE_  
  
She sings hymns for goddesses she has never known for sins she never committed. He brings her hot tea and tries to find her forgiveness for those she did.  
  
Shepard traces and repeats Thane’s life through memories replayed in perfect detail.  
  
The small Drell students slowly trekking up the nearby mountain to the temple at the top, with hidden waves and smiles at the petite ginger-haired woman keeping watch.  
  
The Hanar priest laying blessing hands on her shoulder in shimmering violets and blues, prayer flags whipping in the wind.  
  
She kneels in the salty rain beside a small shrine strewn with flowers and prays to find a port in the storm. He holds the umbrella over her and promises to be that haven.


	3. Chapter 3

_Normandy SR-2, Deep Space, December 2186 CE_  
  
His father had loved the space program, hanging a mobile of shuttles and rockets above Kaidan’s crib as a baby, a nightlight of dancing stars across the ceiling.   
  
Their family vacations had been to see the relics of that time, rusty landing pads and desert expanses of radio dishes. A picture of Kaidan tiny in front of the space shuttle had lived on the mantle until the night of his first dance when it had mysteriously disappeared to only reappear after his Alliance graduation without a word.   
  
His father’s voice was with him as they began shutting down non-essential systems for the trip home. A favorite lesson from his childhood whenever a problem seemed impossible was, “They got them off the moon using a felt-tip pen! Anything is possible when you use your brain.”  
  
In post-Reaper space, the reliable automation of the fuel outposts had been destroyed first and the Alliance had only promised repair on the nearby mass relay in the next six months. On the day they received a rescue plan that would have them home by the following summer, Joker and Kaidan had walked the ship to begin deciding what they could and couldn’t live with.  
  
Hot water heater was an easy one, the comm transmitter had been a harder one. Liara’s console was allowed a 5 minute upload/download period a day and Garrus was told he would need to find a new hobby besides calibrating the weapons. The War Room was darkened, followed by the non-emergency lights throughout the ship.   
  
No one mentioned the fish tank, it stayed turned on as the AI Core was shuttered until they could return.  
  
“Do you know who the real hero was of Apollo 11?” Kaidan asked Joker, walking into the silent cockpit.   
  
He glanced over giving a shrug, “The Service Module?”  
  
“Good guess, but no,” Kaidan answered, leaning forward to look at the passing darkness through the window, “Michael Collins.”  
  
“He didn’t even walk on the moon,” Joker shook his head, “He was as close as you could get without actually doing it.”  
  
“He spent 15 hours alone on the dark side of the moon,” he started to explain, sitting in the co-pilot seat, “Anything could’ve happened while he was gone and he sat in a very small vessel with faith that he’d meet back up with them on the other side.”  
  
“How do you think he would react to this?” Joker gave him a small smile, “We’re complaining that we can’t check the extranet for sports scores and he had to use a diaper.”  
  
Kaidan laughed, “First, he would probably ask us why we insisted on leaving on some of the lights and second, he would probably want to know why it took us so long to go back to the moon.”  
  
“How do you think Shepard would react to this?” he asked, the smile fading slightly.  
  
Kaidan laughed harder, “She would never have let us shut off the hot water but would be asking us how to make it 45 days and not 60.”  
  
 _Copacabana Palace, Rio de Janeiro, July 2195 CE_  
  
The warning signs had started hours before as their plane had landed in Brazil and the walls of his vision had begun to shimmer and glow at the edges. His hands had begun to tingle and tense in the taxi as Shepard hung out the window calling out her favorite food stands from her time in the N7 program.  
  
The bargaining and denial had set in as they arrived at the immense hotel lobby and in the din of activity Kaidan promised that he would still leave the building that night and that it was just the travel that had tired him. He swore that the airport coffee that hung stale and bitter in his stomach was due to nerves. That the hotel’s halls seemed to shift and move as he held his vision on her auburn ponytail bouncing in front of him, but that it would pass if he could just sit, just for one moment.  
  
She had run out onto the room’s balcony as a shock shot down his spine, sending the pain vibrating through him. He let out an involuntary groan that immediately put a frown on Shepard’s face.  
  
“Go without me,” Kaidan winced, hands on his forehead, curling up tightly on the bed.  
  
“Absolutely not,” she dimmed the hotel room’s lights and began pouring a glass of water, “Jacob and Bryn will understand if we’re late to the bar.”  
  
“Will they mind a day late?” he chuckled before grimacing again and pulling his legs sharply in.   
  
Shepard sat beside him, prying the lid off of his prescription’s bottle and handing him the water. “I think you might need to skip the caipirinhas after taking these,” she laughed quietly, shaking out one of the pills, “Besides, we’re here for the entire week for the N7 Graduation, I think one night in might be nice.”  
  
He swallowed heavily before handing her back the glass and lying back against the pillow. “Honestly Jane, I don’t mind, you should go,” he rested his arm across his eyes, “I’ll just sleep anyway.”   
  
Kaidan paused as he felt her stand up and walk away from the bed, her heels padded across the room. “Just be home soon, and I’ll call if I-” he started again before he heard her remove the shoes.  
  
“I’m just getting out some pajamas for us,” she explained as he heard her begin unzipping their bags, “Do you want me to run the shower for you?”  
  
“I don’t want to ruin your night,” he started again, rising up slowly on his elbows but keeping his eyes shut tightly, “You were so excited to see everyone.”  
  
“I’ll run the shower and order some room service, you go and stand under the hot water while I call Jacob and explain that he has to hire the babysitter another night,” she continued to rummage in the suitcase, “Do you want me to order you the usual tea and soup?”  
  
“Yes please,” he picked himself up and began shuffling towards the bathroom, “Thank you.”  
  
“I love you too,” she laughed, “You called me Jane, I didn’t buy your ‘go have fun’ act even a little bit.”  
  
 _Alliance Hospital, London, December 2186 CE_  
  
She gets more goodbyes than visitors.  
  
Jack doesn’t even stop in. She sends flowers and whisky, a short note attached telling her to ‘kick rehab’s ass and visit her at Grissom when she doesn’t need the cane’.   
  
Grunt visits on Christmas eve, depositing a scope in her lap and scooping her into a hug before the nurse accidentally calls the guards to deal with a possible assassination attempt. After Shepard convinces the soldiers to leave, he charges through the courtyard with her wheelchair as she screams for him to go faster.   
  
Wrex comes that night and the contest moves inside as they see who can send Shepard further down the hallway. Miranda only stops them when the wheelchair skids precariously close to the stairwell.   
  
Their ship takes off for Tuchanka the next morning and Shepard can hear the cheers as they march on board through her hospital room window.   
  
Steve comes soon after that, sneaking in a pizza that Shepard wants to question but is too busy eating to say anything. When he reveals the beers hidden in his coat, Shepard almost starts to cry.   
  
They watch Hackett’s Christmas Day address together and Steve tells her stories about the new airfields popping up across the countryside or the pieces of the Citadel they move back into orbit each night. He tells her about an almond-eyed soldier that kissed him after a dance in the city square and the job offer to start flying again.   
  
He leaves with the handsome soldier the next month and Shepard gets a collection of smiling photos in her mailbox every week.   
  
Kasumi stays every night.   
  
She steals Shepard’s fruit cup every morning.  
  
 _The Home of Tali’Zorah and Garrus Vakarian vas Normandy, Rannoch, August 2195 CE_  
  
“Liara,” Shepard shook her head at the sight in front of her, “You could’ve told me you guys were going to go digging and I could have put her in play clothes.”  
  
Her daughter triumphantly raised her shovel, her peach colored sundress and matching sandals caked with a ruddy mud.   
  


“Where is Dad? I wanna show him my fossil!” she proudly danced in place, pulling the rock out of her pocket, sending a streak of dirt splattering across the wall.    
  
“How do you ever say no to her?” Liara asked, fatigue peering out on her face from under strategically placed mud striped on her cheek, “She asked me what I used to do and suddenly we were both digging in the dirt.”  
  
Garrus and Tali had given them all use of their formerly-home, now-vacation house as they performed the latest joint mission for their governments. Both had tried the quiet planetside life before realizing they slept better with the vibrating of an engine beneath them.  
  
“So what you are saying is that you still need some time before you have your own?” Shepard questions, kneeling beside her daughter with a grin.  
  
“What I am saying is that I could never have a child with Shepard DNA,” Liara giggled, as the little girl attempted to wiggle away from her mother who was attempting to remove the filthy shoes with no additional damage to the stark-white walls Tali had chosen for their living space.   
  
A flash went off behind them as Kaidan snapped a picture to capture the scene.  
  
“Imagine when she’s a teenager,” he sighed, coming over to help Shepard remove the dirty clothing, “I’m a goner.”  
  
Shepard nodded in agreement as she finally got the dress off and daintily picked up her dusty child, being careful to hold her at arm’s length. “We’re going to go take a bath and Aunt Liara is going to go wash her face,” she announced, backing up slowly to their bathroom.  
  
Kaidan glanced at Liara who was actively wiping at her cheeks, “The worst part is that she just has to ask and before you know it you have a tiny wiggling make-up artist decorating you with mud. She convinces me every single time.”  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

_Normandy SR-2, Deep Space, January 2187 CE_  
  
They gather in her cabin in the light of the aquarium, naming the fish and creating overly complicated soap operas about each. Joker begins creating voices for each and smiles each time Liara giggles at his created imitations.  
  
Kaidan opens the bottle of whiskey and they pass it around as Liara gives the updates for the day.   
  
How the power is back on throughout Earth and Palaven and Thessia.   
  
How the first school on Tuchanka had reopened with its first group of students.   
  
How pardons had been issued for several now-classified members of Shepard’s team.   
  
Tali tells stories about how they passed time on Quarian ships during mandatory rolling blackouts during a particularly long journey.  
  
She sings a song in an ancient language they clap along to, resting her back into Garrus’ chest.   
  
She teaches a simple counting game that Joker quickly turns into a drinking game.   
  
Kaidan falls asleep and wakes up with everyone sleeping on various surfaces throughout the room.   
  
Except for the right side of her bed. Nobody thinks to sleep in Shepard’s spot.  
  
 _Holding Cell 2, Vancouver,  Valentine’s Day 2186 CE_  
  
Shepard’s eyes darted around the small room as she debated the best way to look casual.  
  
Lounging in the bed reading seemed too obvious and doing push-ups in the middle of the room seemed too desperate. She smoothed her hair in front of the mirror and pinched her cheeks to make them appear rosy and not as pale as the time in her room had caused. His footsteps seemed to be growing closer until she placed herself in a chair beside the window, placing her back to the door.  
  
She inhaled sharply as his boots paused in the doorway, and in the corner of her eye she could see his reflection in the glass, familiar but foreign in this light.    
  
He cleared his throat as she turned to face him, “Hi Shepard.”  
  
She tried to steady herself, palms sweaty against her thighs and her breath caught beneath the butterflies doing circles in her stomach. He smiled and she struggled to stop from jumping from her chair, into his arms.  
  
“Hi Kaidan,” she answered calmly, “What are you doing here?”  
  
He paused as he considered his answer, holding his hands tightly behind his back. His mouth opened slightly before closing again and silently offering the small stuffed hanar that he had tried to hide.   
  
“Is that for me?” she asked quietly, walking over to him.   
  
Kaidan nodded, placing the gift gently in her hands. “I feel like this used to come easier,” he ran a hand through his hair, “You just turn me into a nervous teena-.”  
  
“I love it,” she cut him off, beaming at the small toy, giving it a tight squeeze.  
  
“Really?” he asked surprised, as she took another step closer to him  
  
“I have never had a valentine,” she explained, “Also, I haven’t had a visitor in months.”  
  
She took another step towards him, her feet grazed the front of his shoes. Shepard felt her mouth curl slightly as Kaidan swallowed hard.  
  
At a bar in the Citadel one day, she would tell Liara that it was like gravity pulling her towards him and that she fell into him so hard her lip was swollen for the rest of the day. That her body seemed contoured to his angles and that she had weak knees as his hands wrapped around her.  
  
In a hotel room in Thessia one day, she would tell Kaidan that she had wanted him to kiss her since he walked in the room and that she had felt out of practice when he finally did. That he smelled like the Vancouver air and his touch felt familiar against her waist.  
  
She didn’t remember the awkward pause as his hand hesitated on her arm or how their teeth seemed to clash awkwardly as they kissed. Shepard never recounted that her lips felt chapped and that time seemed sped up as she pressed into him.   
  
They were kissing and then her mouth seemed to sting as he pulled away sharply with a quick inhale of air.   
  
“I-I just-,” he stuttered taking a step back, “I just don’t know you anymore.”  
  
His words jabbed into her and she seem to turn away with the blow.  
  
“Maybe you should go Kaidan,” Shepard said quickly and coldly, trying to push down the anger that was rising fast in her.   
  
She heard his footsteps start out of the room before stopping near the door.  
  
“I just need you to prove me wrong,” he said softly, before walking away.  
  
  
  
She stared at the tiny stuffed hanar before throwing it on the bed.   
  
In a tiny room in the Normandy SR-2, rebuilt and configured for the family, she would hand her daughter that hanar as Kaidan watched from the doorway. Her tiny hands curled around the toy and Shepard forgot how much she used to hate Valentine’s Day.  
  
 _Medbay Room 5, SSV Boston, January 2187 CE_  
  
Miranda had refused to follow her onto Hackett’s ship, agreeing to arrange her move and transport but stopping at crossing the threshold herself.   
  
“It isn’t personal,” she explained, pushing the wheelchair through the hospital’s hallway, “Oriana has just gotten into university, I think we might settle down for a little while as they continue to rebuild.”   
  
She pressed a small communicator in Shepard’s hands as she leaned in to hug her goodbye and Miranda rested her chin on Shepard’s shoulder.  
  
“Miss Lawson, have you gone soft?” Shepard whispered in her ear as Miranda hugged her tightly.   
  
Miranda pulled away and quickly wiped her eyes, “Never. Sentimentality is a genetic weakness.”    
  
Kasumi had decided to accompany Shepard onto Hackett’s ship after the pardons came through. The Alliance had offered a consulting job in their covert ops department and she had agreed once Shepard was settled.   
  
She does not agree to separate rooms and still spends most evenings cloaked and reading on Shepard’s couch.  
  
Hackett comes every morning with breakfast and news from around the galaxy. Shepard drinks black tea as he announces the plan to promote her to Rear Admiral. Shepard agrees while cutting into her egg, giving him a smile as her knee shook under the table. He reviews her rehab plans and she asks for the latest tracking information on the Normandy.  
  
A countdown goes on her room’s computer the next day. She traces the numbers and imagines the sound of the docking bay clamping down on her ship.   
  
_A Dressing Room, Eden Prime, March 2190 CE_  
  
“Shepard, why are you getting married?” Garrus asked, adjusting his bowtie in the mirror.   
  
Shepard looked up from buckling her shoe, “Because I want to tell the world about a bond that I have committed to.”  
  
He paused as his mandibles flared, “But you eloped to Eden Prime and barely told anyone.”   
  
“I’ll be sharing via press release, “ she stood, moving behind him in the mirror to run adjust her dress, “Do you think I could fit a gun underneath this?”   
  
She held up the small firearm, pulling up the hem to secure her holster to her thigh.  
  
“Shepard!” Liara exclaimed, walking into the small room, “I think you can leave the handgun off for the ceremony.”  
  
Shepard sighed, placing the gun down, “What about a hidden folding baton for hand to hand in the garter?”  
  
Garrus nodded at the suggestion, “That is a great option for formal wear.”  
  
Liara’s eyes darted back and forth between them, a confused look growing on her face. “I can’t tell if you are both joking or crazy or if you really want to make us another 30 minutes late because you want this to get leaked to the press,” she rambled exasperatedly, “Kaidan keeps making jokes that are a little too real that you are about to run away on him with Garrus who you called your best friend who isn’t him while drunk. Tali did not enjoy any of them and has been looking for turian alcohol behind the bar.”  
  
Both of them stared wide-eyed as Liara slumped into a chair, breathing heavily with her eyes shut tightly.  
  
“I’ll leave the baton,” Shepard relented, placing it beside the gun.  
  



	5. Chapter 5

_Docking Bay C, Luna Base, February 2187 CE_  
  
Shepard had been told of people that could hear in color. That they can taste sounds or feel scents across their skin. EDI explained it one day as a condition known as Synesthesia, whereupon a human may experience one sensation and have it cross pathways to another.   
  
It isn't like that for Shepard.  
  
She imagines her brain as a set of levers to her nerves. Raise her vision to make the gun in her hand nearly weightless as her finger flutters on the trigger. The ability to shut off the burning in her calves and blacken the sides of her vision towards her highlighted goal. One thing always had to give to make it happen, she just seemed to remember to make it something she wouldn’t miss.  
  
But in battle as the world would go silent around her and she began counting off thermal clips, his voice could always escape in. Her name over the intercom and her heart would skip for a moment followed by adrenaline rushing in to refocus her vision.  
  
She had started sleeping in the docking bay days before the countdown said they would arrive, much to the dismay of Kasumi who preferred the comfort of their new beds and the ship's doctor who was forced to do her physical therapy in front of the crew.  
  
But everyone had seemed to mutually agree that she had earned her moment and as the Normandy called for permission to dock, Hackett called for non-essential crew to return to their quarters.  
  
One photographer was allowed to sit in shadows to take the pictures that would later be splashed across the media. Shepard had relented after Diana Allers had called in to remind her of how much the galaxy needed a happy ending. An agreement was only made after a large sum of money was agreed to start a scholarship in Emily Wong’s name.   
  
In the first photograph, the Earth is bright and blue in the background as the ship bay’s door opens. The next shows the first person exiting the ship.   
  
The Major has grown a short beard and Shepard is leaning against a metallic black cane in the foreground of the next photo.  She is smiling bright and clear as he comes into her view while the rest of the crew stands in the background.  
  
Diana Allers’ favorite shot came next as the Major drops his bag and takes off in a full run towards her. In Shepard’s favorite, he stops in front of her for a moment to just look at her and she seems to involuntarily shiver from his gaze.   
  
The photographer's next shot is obscured in the quick movement of her leap into his arms.  
  
He would claim in later years the next moment was the shot he most regretted missing while his camera suspiciously went flying from his hands.  
  
Screenshots from the bay’s security camera were made available with a slightly blurry Major Alenko dropping to one knee and Rear Admiral Shepard embracing him.  
  
  
  
The photographer’s final shots show the crew moving over to both of them to hug and congratulate the pair.  
  
They were broadcast that evening and Diana Allers cuts to commercial with a quick hand-wave, unable to get out the words through the tears  
  
Early internal Alliance polling the next day sees Shepard’s approval rating go up an additional 20% galaxy-wide.  
  
Her promotion to Admiral came the following day with a bottle of champagne and itinerary throughout the galaxy for a victory tour. Hackett considers personally delivering it, but the ship’s crew decide to give their cabin a wide berth for a few days.  
  
Kasumi moves into a private room next door.  
  
 _Vakarian Family Home, Palaven, January 2191 CE_  
  
Garrus had always told stories of the grays of his homeworld. How it seemed to be different shades of silvers and charcoals, made with grand arches, high vaulted ceilings, and rooms that seemed to echo with a sterile emptiness. Shepard had imagined high walls and steel exteriors, protection for their population shaded in an ever present gloom.   
  
She had not imagined the children running in the halls towards school nor the expansive market of volus merchants calling out for customers. She had never pictured the warm glow of lights illuminated throughout the nighttime of the city or the small family altar set in the corner of each home.   
  
Garrus’ home is both martial and comforting, the Turians seem perpetually at a state of readiness to serve or defend. Most of them won’t approach Shepard as she walks through the city in her envirosuit unless they appear to be older or highly ranked in the Hierarchy. Those men and women have a different posture, a different way of meeting her gaze, and understanding of the sacrifices she made.   
  
Each that approaches offer their thanks and bow their heads.   
  
Shepard bows in return, they are the force that saved her friend’s home.  
  
Tali and Garrus had married months earlier on Rannoch but agreed to the small ceremony for Garrus’ family on Palaven after a battle of wills between his Father and Tali over video chat. The attendees had been negotiated down from 100 to 50 and a Quarian prayer would be read before the Turian ceremony started. Tali would not wear the facepaint of their family, but she would wear their colors for the day.   
  
Garrus would later tell Shepard that he was convinced he would either be divorced or disowned by the end of their negotiation. However the agreement between the pair had actually been the most surprising and scariest of possible outcomes.  
  
 _Before an Alliance Medal Ceremony, Luna Base, February 2187 CE_  
  
Kaidan turns down the promotion to Rear Admiral politely and succinctly.   
  
“I would like to serve under Admiral Shepard on the Normandy,” he explained to Hackett from across a conference table, Shepard to his left, “After the tour plan, we would like to use the Normandy to support my Biotic squad.”   
  
Hackett leaned back in his chair, looking to Shepard, “What are you thoughts on this?”  
  
“The majority of the Normandy’s crew has responsibilities outside of the Alliance,” she explained calmly, “I think heading up Special Biotics Ops off of our ship makes perfect sense.”  
  
Hackett took another pause, folding his arms in front of his chest and giving her an inquisitive look. Kaidan looked back and forth at the soldiers as they locked into negotiations.   
  
“And you’d like to stick with the Normandy, not move into a larger dreadnought?” he continued, raising an eyebrow, “Normally we would have you command an entire fleet but I do think with your mutual work as Spectres, working in special ops would make more sense.”  
  
Shepard nodded, “I imagine that my role in rebuilding will be primarily diplomatic, I think it will make sense to run an office out of the Citadel and use the Normandy for official trips.”  
  
Hackett chuckled to himself, relaxing his pose again, “You realize you could pretty much ask for the entire Citadel and the galaxy would agree?”  
  
“As long as I get married soon?” she asked back with laugh.  
  
He stood up, reaching his hand to Kaidan to shake, “You both are big damn war heroes, but if I have to answer one more question about when the ceremony will be, I will put you on separate ships until you make a decision.”   
  
_Temple of Kalros, Tuchanka, December 2199 CE_  
  
The group of children ran ahead of the adults, the tiny Krogans, Turian, and Humans tripping over each other to arrive in the main arena of the temple first. Full restoration had been completed in the last month, with the unveiling of a new section in honor of Shepard and Mordin opening to the public in the next day.   
  
The Salarians had declined to send a representative. Major Kirrahe had come anyway, retired and unwilling to deal with the Dalatrass’ continued grudge.   
  
Bakara and Wrex had planned a private party the night before, leading the small crowd through the structure while the children had quickly learned how to make it a contest.   
  
Kaidan and Shepard’s daughter had taken the early lead while Eve and Wrex’s eldest son were fast charging up on her. Following close behind was Tali and Garrus’ son plotting his eventual takeover of the front.  
  
The younger children followed closer in a pack, more excited to be playing with each other then to be victorious.  
  
Except for Shepard and Kaidan’s younger son who was curled in his father’s arms, still sniffling from an earlier spill while running with the group. Wrex had taken the injury as an opportunity to tell David the story of his first fight with a Thresher Maw, which had turned into a loud debate between Wrex and Garrus about the validity of the story.   
  
“Why don’t you tell David the story of the time that you, Mama, and Uncle Grunt killed a Thresher Maw?” Kaidan asked Garrus with pleading eyes as Wrex began explaining how he built his first Thresher maw saddle.  
  
“Kaid, how about we tell David a story that doesn’t involve a gun?” Shepard asked from behind, breaking from her conversation with Bakara and Tali.   
  
“But Mama,” David sniffled, raising his head from Kaidan’s shoulder, “aren’t we going to see a Thresher Maw now? I need to know what to do with one.”  
  
Bakara laughed, “Why don’t you tell David the story of the Thresher Maw that is our friend?”  
  
David’s eyes grew wide, “Thresher Maws are our friends?”  
  
“No, but this one was special,” Shepard walked up to her husband, reaching out to take the little boy, “Her name was Kalros and this building is in her honor.”  
  
“Like this is her house?” he asked, cuddling against her.  
  
Wrex ruffled the boy’s hair, “All of Tuchanka is her house.”   
  
The child immediately burst into tears, burying his face into Shepard’s shoulder.   
  
The group gave Wrex matching withering stares as David began to mumbled about how the Thresher Maw could be anywhere.  
  
“What?” Wrex asked gruffly, shrugging his shoulders, “I loved Kalros when I was his age.”


	6. Chapter 6

_Shepard’s Quarters, Normandy SR-2, March 2187 CE_  
  
  
  
“My fish are alive,” she announced walking into her quarters, “I don’t even want to think about how that discussion went considering the lack of showers for over a month.”  
  
Kaidan deposited their bags by the door, “We didn’t really discuss it. We did discuss what their names are.”  
  
“Fish 1, the blue one, the one that seems to be getting a little chubby,” she started to rattle off names while pointing at the tank, “All of the gang is here.”  
  
She leaned against the rail as he moved behind her, wrapping his arms tightly around her. Shepard steadied herself against him as he moved to support her full weight against him.  
  
“We don’t have to do this,” he mumbled into her neck, softly kissing behind her ear.  
  
She turned in his arms to face him, “I want to do this.”  
  
“We can go back to Vancouver, get an apartment, live off the royalties,” Kaidan stared at her face for a sign, “You don’t owe anyone anything else.”  
  
Shepard pulled away from him to slowly start descending into the room. She rested her cane against the bedside table before lying on the bed, her face staring out the windows above her pillows.   
  
Kaidan moved to lie next to her as she curled her body into him, tilting her chin to look at him.   
  
“When I was in the hospital and I would try to sleep, I could only think of this ship and this room and these people,” she explained, wrapping her leg around his to pull herself closer, “I wander through the stars and this job pays for me to do so with the person I love.”   
  
“Liara will be very happy to hear that but I think she’s heading back to Thessia for a little while,” Kaidan laughed as Shepard adopted a face of mock-sadness, “I know how you love Asaris.”  
  
“The true tragedy is that Kasumi left,” Shepard grinned, “She’s the one you should really be nervous about.”  
  
 _The Shoreline, Kahje, March 2189 CE_  
  
Her hands released as the lantern skidded across the surface of the water, light twinkling against the gentle waves of a calm night.  
  
Kaidan stood on shore as the ocean beat against her legs, rushing in and out past her calves.   
  
She thinks of a small Thane running fast down the shore, a Hanar caretaker floating after him. Of gray and angry waves beating against rocks as Thane is given a first mission to kill. She thinks of underwater churches and sanctuaries, inscribed with the elaborate glowing script of the Hanar language.  
  
Kaidan thinks of what bags were left to pack and what offerings to leave for the local temple who had supported their visit. Of the cafe to stop for a quick breakfast and what time their alarm should go off to make sure they depart on time. He thinks of the final steps to complete their trip and allow her to close the door.   
  
The lantern wobbled slightly as the wind blew forward, throwing it along the sea into the pitch-black night. He has a towel and his arms and an embrace for her on the shore as she sinks into the sandy coast.   
  
She thinks of Kalahira and a distant shore.  
  
Kaidan kisses an amen into her forehead as they walk away.  
  
A light bobs in the distance, tossed by the fast approaching tide.   
  
_Visitor Suite 1, Gagarin Station, March 2187 CE_   
  
The changes were small enough at first that Kaidan was sure that he was the only one to notice.   
  
She was more physical with everyone. More free with handshakes and hugs, cradling a well-wisher’s hand and making direct eye contact as they told her their story of the Reaper invasion. A little glimpse into intimacy for the crew and the public who watched her hold her fiance’s hand and walk arm in arm with her best friends.   
  
She read her messages more and he would awake to see her already sitting at the terminal. Everyone wanted a word, a check, or a visit. Slowly she relinquished control, letting Samantha become her chief of staff and begin organizing all of Shepard’s meetings across the worlds. She stepped away from the bureaucratic and allowed the mechanisms of the Alliance to care for them.   
  
Her wall becomes a reflection on those donations in photos and postcards, smiling crowds from around the galaxy in front of newly rebuilt cityscapes and soldiers crowded under tents waving at the camera.   
  
And there was Dr. Aenathe-Francis, a matronly Asari therapist who Shepard had sessions with once a week over video.  
  
“Hackett’s idea?” Kaidan had asked while leaving the room for the first session he witnessed.  
  
Shepard gave him a slightly self-conscious smile, “Mine. I think it could be a good idea.”  
  
She has become a museum piece in the world, Liberty charging at the front of a teeming mass or Athena mid-stride in battle. The crowds gather around her and Privates duck their eyes as she approaches.   
  
This is the first change that everyone on the Normandy realized.  
  
Their Commander who couldn’t dance and could always make Garrus laugh parted the sea of people in the Gagarin Station Loading Bay that had been decorated for the Mass Relay reopening. The Normandy would be the first ship after the test beacon and Shepard would stand on stage behind Hackett to clap at all the right moments.   
  
But she still takes the moment to hold Kaidan’s hand and ask him how he is handling everything.   
  
The more things change for him, the more they stay the same.   
  
_Asari Flight’s Tour, Arcadia, December 2192 CE_  
  
Almost everything had gone exactly to plan.  
  
Their daughter was with her grandparents in Vancouver, being spoiled rotten by the influx of relatives and friends dead set on personal time with the infant. They had already started receiving pictures of the smiling baby wearing a ‘My Mommy and Daddy Save the World!’ Alliance onesie, and surrounded by massive stuffed animals sent from members of Alliance command.  
  
The Alliance had agreed to lose their numbers for the weekend, Hackett promising that Shepard and Kaidan would get 48 uninterrupted hours as long as the Reapers didn’t show back up. If there were Reapers, Shepard knew she’d get a call.  
  
Kaidan had agreed to plan the trip, somewhere beautiful, quiet, and remote for them to enjoy their vacation prior to starting back from family leave and while a small nursery was built to the side of their cabin in Normandy.  
  
However, their first mistake had been asking Liara for help choosing the location.  
  
The next mistake had been not looking up pictures of the planet to keep the surprise.  
  
The final mistake had been not realizing the slight flare Garrus gave when they had said the planet’s name. It had been subtle enough that Shepard had taken a pause but convinced herself it was imagined and reminded herself that the deposit was non-refundable.   
  
Liara had been right, the planet was beautiful, quiet, and remote. Kaidan had forgotten the other key words of hospitable, comfortable, and habitable.   
  
While Arcadia was stunning with large Basalt formations and sweeping canyons, it was only visible from the window of the tour ship their Asari-run hotel held.   
  
Shepard only spends one day explaining to Kaidan the importance of being perfectly clear with Liara.


	7. Chapter 7

_Cockpit, Normandy SR-2, April 2187 CE_  
  
Shepard had told Joker the full story within the first day they had arrived back, with Kaidan at her side and her cane resting in her lap.   
  
She had straightened her back, held back the tears, and explained the choice she made.   
  
She promised him that she would spend all of her energy helping bring EDI back and felt the tears start flowing down her cheeks.  
  
“I didn’t have a choice Joker, with what I’ve seen and what I knew,” she felt the words come out in sobs, “I wanted to save her, I thought I could save her too.”  
  
He had stood up with a flourish and a grimace.  
  
“I quit,” he announced, turning to leave.   
  
Shepard held her hand up as Kaidan tried to call out to him, “Let him go, he has every right to be angry at me.”  
  
He came back to her cabin the next day to take back his resignation and salute her.   
  
“She would have wanted you to make that choice,” Joker explained, “I would have wanted you to make that choice.”  
  
“So you’ll join me on board?” she asked and he responded with a nod.   
  
Kaidan rode in the co-pilot more often these days, mirroring the days of the original Normandy and their long hours spent sharing their best Turian jokes. In those days, Shepard would sit on the floor, or on the arm of Kaidan’s seat, listening to them talk and staring out of the wide windows into the stars.  
  
These days her hip starts to burn if she sits still too long and Joker talks less about the Turians.   
  
“Sam says they have found some hidden files on the server as if she may have planned for something like this,” he announces one day, his voice neutral to the news. It wasn’t the first backup plan of EDI’s they had found and he had decided to stop getting excited over their prospect after the second failure.  
  
Shepard laughed, “I can just imagine her face when we tell her the story, ‘I labeled the file This One Shepard, This One Will Bring Me Back, how did you not find it?’”  
  
Joker gave her a faint smile, “You always had hope for lost causes.”  
  
 _Zakera Cafe, Citadel, July 2198 CE_  
  
“What’s steak?” Hannah asked, staring uncomfortably at her Dad’s sandwich.  
  
Kaidan took a piece out and put it beside his daughter’s plate of noodles, “You should try it. It is my favorite food.”   
  
She stared at it before pushing it to the very edge of her plate, “But what is it?”  
  
“This is wheat gluten,” Shepard explained calmly, “So it is made of the same stuff as your noodles.”  
  
“But why does it look weird?” Hannah continued, poking at it.  
  
“Are you sure it looks weird?” Shepard questioned back, “It is the same color as chocolate.”  
  
Hannah took a second to consider the argument before finally eating the piece of steak.    
  
“Can I try?” David asked as Shepard was quickly cutting his fish sticks into smaller pieces for the little boy.  
  
Kaidan took out another piece and placed it on the plate where David quickly grabbed it and shoved it in his mouth. He looked over to Shepard, “Mom, I want that.”  
  
Shepard looked expectantly at her husband who relinquished a few additional pieces that the toddler quickly ate again.   
  
“Is this what you had in mind for a sanity check?” she asked with a smile before starting her own meal.   
  
Kaidan reached under the table, giving her knee a quick squeeze, “Just with a babysitter next time.”  
  
 _Shepard’s Quarters, Normandy SR-2, April 2187 CE_  
  
Fingers threaded through to collect her hair at the base of her neck. Her skin hot and smooth as he leaned into her, a pale hint of skin revealed as her shirt rode up her torso.   
  
Shepard pointed her toe as he deepened her into the stretch, her lashes fluttering against flushed cheeks. Her muscles lengthened, his tightened as he carefully rotated the leg to loosen her hamstring more and test the range of motion.   
  
“Things are looking really good,” he said, carefully laying her right leg back onto the mat to grab the left, “Your overall flexibility is way beyond what Miranda was expecting.”  
  
“Miranda just wanted to convince me on some gene modification,” Shepard breathed in deeply as he started the motion with her other leg, “She has no faith in my normal human tendons.”  
  
Kaidan chuckled as he watched her face again grow focused on the movements he put her limb through. He had taken over her rehab exercises when she had entered back onto the Normandy and had watched her work through a list of goals for her body.  
  
One week the goal was an extra 30 minutes without her cane, one week the goal was to be able to do a full boxing workout again with James without needing James to carry her back to her quarters. Shepard celebrated each goal with a new goal set, a new milestone for her return from the brink.   
  
Her face winced slightly and he loosened his grip slightly, “Too hard?”  
  
Her pained face turned into a quick grin as Kaidan soon found himself flat on his back with her straddling him triumphantly.   
  
Shepard smiled, “This week’s goal was whether I could turn the tables on you, regain the upper hand.”  
  
“You ready to put me through my workout Admiral?” he asked.  
  
“Major, you have no idea.”    
  
 _Delivery Room C, Medical Ship Salk, June 2192 CE_  
  
Shepard had planned everything from the fabric of her hospital gown to interviewing the maternity nurses on the ship to find the most competent of the group. She had spent months finding the most perfect doula and arranging for Liara and Bakara to be with her on the Medical Ship Salk, the greatest medical ship in the Alliance fleet.    
  
Shepard had fed false information to every informant and reporter across the galaxy and written out a birthing plan that was bound, color-coded, and indexed for all possible scenarios. She had run drills and practices and late night quizzes after shaking Kaidan awake roughly so he could make the decisions on no sleep.  
  
She had not planned on Kaidan’s excited call to his parents in Vancouver. Or their nightly walk through the neighborhood where they had announced excitedly to passersby that they would be grandparents before the night was out. Shepard had never thought to ask if their neighbor was one of the best investigative journalists in the galaxy.  
  
She had not planned on Tali and Garrus arguing with a flight attendant off of Palaven that they needed to get to the Salk as quickly as possible to make the birth. Or the flight attendant's cousin working with the ANN or how quickly her entering into labor would suddenly be splashed across the news.   
  
They had decided on a name, Hannah, after her mother. They had bought tiny socks and blankets and made the decisions about what kind of parents they wanted to be. Kaidan had held her hand throughout each birthing class and Shepard had promised to not swear in the delivery room. She had visualized the birth and dreamed of her daughter’s face for the months leading up.  
  
But as she paced the hospital room that she had picked from across the galaxy to give birth in, even over the luxury suites in Thessia or the promise of a private wing at Huerta, only one thought could enter her mind.  
  
“Hey Kaidan,” she clutched her back as another contraction started.  
  
Kaidan jumped to her side to support her, “What do you need? Do you need the doctor?”  
  
“I’ve decided not to do this,” Shepard started to shuffle towards the door, “It isn’t too late, right?”  
  



	8. Chapter 8

_Interim Quarian Admiralty Board Headquarters, Rannoch, May 2187 CE_  
  
“Humans and Quarians together,” Shepard concluded her speech, “We can rebuild Rannoch and rebuild our galaxy!”  
  
The first attempt on her life happened with Garrus on her left and Tali on her right, the cheer of the crowd drowning out the sharp snap of a gun in the audience. She had looked out on the crowd of covered faces and listened for the dissenter throughout the applause.   
  
The mob swarmed from the stage with the sound, people huddled in cover and Garrus standing tall amongst them with vigilant eyes scanning for the shooter. James had already jumped off the stage, sprinting against the raging mass of people running from the sound.  
  
Her body had been sent flying backward with the impact, her barrier firing in reaction as her cane dropped to her side. Hackett and Kaidan had insisted on body armor the entire trip and Shepard had relented only to calm both men. However as she tried to catch her breath, she was eternally grateful that she hadn’t pushed the topic further.   
  
Shepard had expected people to disagree with her choice. She had expected the random strangers who approached her, explaining how they could have solved the problem with no loss. The stage-whispered insults as she would walk by came as no surprise, bitterness and vitriol that it had been a human to make that choice.   
  
Shepard had woken up prepared to be charged as a war criminal.  
  
The strangers were never prepared for her to agree with them.  
  
She would shake their hands and listen to their dream scenario about how she could have been victorious. She would speak up and give credit to the Turians, Krogans, and other species who fought at her side. Shepard would look into the faces of people telling her she should have died and explain that she did, several times.  
  
She reached a hand slowly down to her side, and smiled as she saw no blood on her palms. As darkness set in for her, she could hear his voice yelling her name.   
  
Shepard tried to say she was okay, but nothing seemed to come out.  
  
The request for an increase to her security detail had gone through as Kaidan was picking her up off the stage, additional checkpoints were established for her next appearance as their vehicle had sped away from the scene.  
  
They found the shooter later that day, a young man preparing for his pilgrimage whose mother had died when the geth linked to her had failed in the destruction of synthetics across the galaxy.  
  
A letter was read in his trial months later, Admiral Shepard requesting mercy.  
  
She could understand why he would do it.   
   
 _Alliance Training Camp, Beijing, September 2172 CE_  
  
“The instructor just hates me.”  
  
Shepard could hear her fellow private tucked into the phone booth complaining to a distant family member. She imagined a mother’s warm voice comforting the young man, or a proud father telling him to go prove the son of a bitch wrong.   
  
Shepard hadn’t called a single person since arriving but she knew the conversation that she would want.  
  
They have been at basic training for biotics for one month, separated from their classmates after a brief testing period to ensure that they would be strong enough. Or maybe it was that they needed to ensure that they weren’t too dangerous, Shepard didn’t like to think about it. Being a biotic hadn’t mattered on the colony even if it did mean she would be sent in to deal with a charging bull or given an extra-heavy bundle of wheat to carry in from the fields.   
  
She knew the instructor didn’t hate her though. Too many years on the farm to make her sluggish in the mornings and too many years with a grandfather that demanded the utmost respect from his grandchildren to make her too casual. She did push-ups without complaints, scaled the fences into the waiting mud pits without a second thoughts, and completed every task asked with a smile.   
  
The other privates had taken to eating without her after Staff Commander Anderson visited her for the first time, spending ten minutes to let Shepard know that her work was being recognized with a handshake and one question.  
  
“What is your goal with this Private?” he asked, “Is it tuition or the homesteader grant?”  
  
Shepard had prepared the answer for this.  
  
“My family was killed during a raid by Batarians,” she explained, “I want to protect any other children from going through that.”  
  
“I read that in your file,” he confessed, “That must have been horrible.”  
  
She internally steadied herself, keeping herself collected externally, “I’m in this for life Staff Commander, it was horrible but I won’t let it stop me.”  
  
Shepard had ran through that answer in her head thousands of time before, the answer for a superior versus the answer for a fellow private which was to, “save the world.”   
  
She had prepared and practiced her answer on the shuttle ride to the base, choosing the words and shaping the message.  
  
Shepard didn’t want to tell anyone the truth, she just didn’t have anywhere else to go.  
  
 _Tali’Zorah vas Normandy’s Future Home (currently under construction), Rannoch, May 2187 CE_  
  
Doctor Chakwas had cleared Shepard hours ago and Hackett had been convinced that emergency evacuation wasn’t necessary. Garrus and James had returned from their hunt with local Quarian authorities to a household that was both drunk and loud.  
  
“Do you believe it?” Tali’s voice started to rise in volume, “That the synthetics will always attack, that we are doomed to this cycle.”  
  
“No, I think it was a paranoid computer program that went off the rails,” Shepard answered patiently, “I think we should continue building robots and bring back our friends that are no longer with us.”  
  
Joker raised his beer in agreement with Shepard and they both took long drinks.  
  
“Should we eat some dinner?” Garrus asked trying to break up the conversation but was met with a hard glare from Tali.   
  
Kaidan laughed as the Turian slumped down onto the couch next to him. James grabbed a beer and sat at the table beside Joker where various human and dextro-snacks had been laid out for the crew. There had been a state dinner planned that evening which was called off due to security concerns, the Normandy would leave the next morning for the Citadel while additional security was planned for the remainder of her trip.  
  
“Tali, why are you and Shepard so dressed up?” Garrus asked confused as the Quarian poured herself a new glass of whiskey. The two women were both wearing full length gowns, in matching traditional Quarian patterns and hoods.   
  
“We were dressed up for the party which we won’t be attending due to robots,” Tali slurred, “We decided to have our own party here.”  
  
“Here here!” Chakwas explained, walking in with an additional tray of appetizers, “We can make our own fun this evening.”  
  
“Shepard, you did get shot at today,” Garrus continued ignoring the explanation, “Maybe a quiet night is a good idea.”  
  
Shepard and Tali now both shot him shriveling glares as he shrunk back more on the couch.  
  
“I had a few months worth of quiet nights,” she leaned back in her chair, “It was called a coma.”  
  
It was Kaidan’s turn this time to get concerned, “Then let’s talk about something else, non-robot related.”  
  
Tali turned back to Shepard ignoring the suggestion, “But you said that it had happened over and over again, that synthetics will always rebel.”  
  
“According to Cthulhu,” Shepard scoffed, “The only thing I have ever seen from synthetics is their ability to understand and sympathize with organics.”  
  
“What about all of the corrupted drones?” Garrus pointed out.  
  
“Human beings get viruses sometimes, they are called diseases and we try to cure those people,” she dismissed him.  
  
“What about the geth?” Tali countered, “It was generations for my people.”  
  
“I saw inside their souls Tali, and saw what the Quarians did,” Shepard frowned, “I can’t discount that.”  
  
“Shepard, can we just hug now?” Tali asked with a sniffle, “I am so glad you are alive!”  
  
Joker raised his hand, “Can I get involved in this hug?”  
  
“What spurred this entire conversation?” Garrus leaned over, quietly asking Kaidan.  
  
Kaidan rolled his eyes, “Shepard had said she couldn’t wait until they had rebuilt all of the service drones because she hates doing dishes.”  
  
 _Alliance Military Base, Vancouver, April 2167 CE_  
  
Kaidan knew it had been two weeks since his implant surgery, one week since they had agreed he would go to the training camp, and one month since his mother had started crying randomly when he caught her staring at him.  
  
His father had planned day trips around the province until his departure but they had been slowly cancelled as Kaidan spent the day in his darkened bedroom with a migraine.  
  
He knew that his head ached and burned and he knew that the doctor said it was temporary. He knew that he had woken up with biotic energy flowing from him and had nearly broken his arm in the shock.   
  
His nose bled more often and the spot on his neck for the implant would itch violently when he would sit in the classroom trying to listen to the teacher explain Alliance history. That was his last day in school, the teacher running through a lecture on future colonies and Kaidan trying to stop the pulsating pain running down his spine.   
  
Before the surgery, the doctor had sat with Kaidan and his parents in his office, promising to improve his quality of life. “We’re already seeing a 50% decrease in accidents amongst L2 wearers and a promise from the Alliance to make sure biotics are a key part of their future plans,” he had swore, trying to comfort his mother who had never accepted this life for her only son.  
  
The doctor had ruffled Kaidan’s hair and shook his hand, “You’re going to be fine, this is going to change your life.”   
  
Kaidan knew it would be two and half weeks before he arrived on Gagarin station and he knew it would be three weeks before he was fully accepted into the program. He knew it would take one month for his mom’s care packages to arrive and he would miss his next two birthdays in the station.  
  
He had smiled and shook the doctor’s hand strongly. Even if he didn’t know why he should be excited his life was changing.  
  



	9. Chapter 9

_Shepard’s Apartment, Citadel, June 2187 CE_  
  
“Wait, what do you mean this is mine?” Shepard followed Hackett into the spacious luxury apartment, “I can’t afford this on an Alliance salary.”  
  
Kaidan followed them both, wide-eyed at the view, “Shepard, you can practically see the entire Presidium.”  
  
The rebuilding of the Citadel had practically been completed before Shepard had awoken, but business had only reopened in the last month. The Asari businesses had reopened first to sell medical implants and supplies, followed closely by the Volus to sell ship parts, and Delan in the Emporium to sell to the returning elite. The inhabitants of the galaxy had slowly started to move back in and reopen embassies, refugees either taking jobs or catching rides back to their planets.   
  
Hackett laughed, “You can actually see the entire Presidium and you should see the view at night.”  
  
“You still didn’t explain how this is mine?” Shepard asked again, spinning around to take in the well-appointed room.  
  
“We had a series of apartments located here for ambassadors and other high-ranking officials, the Council decided that you should be given one permanently,” he explained, “Every race of the galaxy has provided something for you.”  
  
“Do I have to sign for it?” she asked, “And does it have one of those amazing Asari showers with the water that seems to rain from the ceilings and walls?”  
  
“Yes and yes,” Hackett pulled out a set of papers, “I told you, everyone gave their best for you.”  
  
“I can’t sign yet,” she held her hands up, “I would like the paperwork updated to reflect myself and Kaidan as owners.”  
  
Hackett nodded, “I’ll be back in fifteen with a new deed, take the time to look around.”  
  
He exited as Shepard waited for the sound of the door to shut before jumping up and down excitedly. “Can you believe this place?” she continued to dance around the large living room, “I wonder who set up the kitchen, can you imagine?”  
  
Kaidan stared at her with a look of shock as she slowly stopped her dance.   
  
“Is there something wrong?” she asked, walking to sit next to him on the couch, “You look a little pale.”  
  
“Do you want me to live here?” Kaidan asked quietly, looking down at the ground.  
  
Her face started to fall, “Oh my, I just assumed.”  
  
“Do you want me to live here?” he asked again, still looking down.  
  
“Kaidan, of course I want you to live here with me,” she explained, grabbing his hand, “I guess I didn’t think this could be too quick for you.”  
  
He finally looked up with a tender smile, “I just wanted to hear you say it, I didn’t want you to feel pressured.”  
  
Shepard jumped up holding out her hand, “Let’s go see what our new home looks like.”  
  
He accepted, “Okay but if they gave us a Krogan kitchen, I will be removing the barbeque pit for a normal stove.”  
  
 _Garrus Vakarian Childhood Room, Palaven, January 2191 CE_  
  
“I still can’t believe I lost Shepard,” Garrus said, adjusting his tunic in front of the mirror, “Not that I mean any offense Kaidan.”  
  
Kaidan shook his head, “I can’t believe you agreed to a hacking contest to see who would get her.”  
  
Garrus took a beat, shaking his head, “It was not one of my brighter moments.”  
  
Kaidan had agreed to stand as Garrus’ witness after Shepard had been won by Tali to appear as hers and Garrus’ father had demanded that the second highest ranked of his military friends would appear. Originally he demanded that Victus appear but Tali had agreed to wear traditional Turian jewelry for the ceremony as a consolation and another deal had been struck without Garrus’ opinion. Not that he minded, that conversation had taken days with counter-offers and an entire hour where Tali had called off the ceremony to prove a point.   
  
“How did you handle marrying your wife multiple times?” Garrus asked, turning his attention to straighten Kaidan’s tunic.  
  
Kaidan brushed away his hands, “We’ve only had two ceremonies not counting the vow renewal, but we have had five receptions at this point. It all starts to blend together.”  
  
 _Shepard and Kaidan’s Apartment, Citadel, June 2187 CE_  
  
The first set of swatches arrived the next day, carried by a frantic Asari debating color schemes for the bedroom and what canyon on Tuchanka to get the stone for the countertop in the kitchen.  
  
After their initial surprise and joy, Kaidan and Shepard had slowly realized their perfect apartment was free of even the basics. Instead, the galaxy had jointly decided to make them the deciders of choices they had never considered.  
  
“Cornflower is a color?” Kaidan asked the decorator confused, “And we need to decide between which towel heater?”  
  
“Well, it is an important decision,” Josiana looked at him confused, “Would you like more of a polished chrome or something with more of a patina?”  
  
Kaidan looked to Shepard who pretended to be wrapped up in a set of wallpaper samples at the far table. “So, it is light blue?” he asked, looking for more assistance.  
  
“No, this is light blue,” the Asari held up an almost identical fabric swatch with a tired look on her face, “The cornflower has more gray undertones.”  
  
Shepard looked up, “Kaidan likes a more royal blue, and let’s do more of a rustic theme, like Thessia meets Homesteader.”  
  
“I love it. No, I want to make it my bondmate,” Josiana’s eyes widened with delight, “Brass and glass with feminine curves and maybe one of those deep utilitarian sinks. It will be gorgeous and I will be back in an hour with new samples and we can also choose couches for the sitting area.” She practically ran from the room with her samples tucked under her arm.  
  
“What does Thessia meets Homesteader mean?” he looked at her confused.  
  
“I have no clue,” she shrugged, looking up from the books piled in front of her, “What sitting area is she talking about? Did we miss a room?”  
  
 _Bar do Gomez, Rio de Janeiro, July 2195 CE_  
  
The N7 graduation had ended hours ago and Rio had been flooded with career soldiers, new recruits, and proud family members ready to celebrate. Kaidan and Shepard tended to avoid these affairs, preferring to attend the smaller graduations and meet new recruits in the barracks. But a promise of dancing, drinking, and sandy beaches from Jacob and a second promise from James to also attend had brought them to their own version of fleet week.   
  
The night’s early samba music had slowed in the later hours to a bossa nova that served as the backing soundtrack for the last few couples left on the floor. James and Shepard had outlasted them all, still twirling and moving across the floor. Jacob and Brynn had tucked into the corner of their booth nursing their caipirinhas while trading stories with Kaidan and Steve whose husband was nearby and enamored with Sam’s ability to tell Shepard stories.   
  
James’ hand was heavy on her back, as she rested her head on his shoulder, “You getting tired on me Lola?”  
  
Shepard mock yawned, “I’m still on little kid time, I’ll be up at five and ready to find the only cartoons on.”  
  
“How is the niño?” he asked, letting her lean against him more.  
  
“Ready to be a big sister,” she grinned as he paused the dance to hug her tightly.  
  
James lifted her in his arms, “I was wondering why you had skipped the drinks.”  
  
“I’m an old lady,” she confessed, starting to sway again with the music, “But I am definitely happy.”  
  
“Lola, I think settling down worked for you,” he laughed.  
  
“Speaking of settling down,” she asked before he gave her a quick spin and pulled her back into him, “When are you going to find a nice girl or boy?”  
  
“When I can find a girl that looks at me the way you look at the major,” James grinned, dipping her.  
  
Shepard’s gaze hit her husband’s eyes from across the room, “I think that’s a good goal to work for.”  
  



	10. Chapter 10

_T’Soni Family Estate, Thessia, July 2187 CE_  
  
The first fight is harder than it needs to be, started over a towel left on the ground. She knows it is over feeling incapable when she bent over to pick it up and her back seized. She tells him it is about the towel.  
  
Kaidan acts blindsided but joins her in the fray with an angry whisper for her to, “Please be quiet, someone could hear you.” He scolds himself the second after saying it as her eyes seemed to narrow in hurt.  
  
Shepard wants it to be hard sometimes, she wants it to feel like work. It isn’t supposed to be so easy with his warm eyes and restful sleep beside him. She has her bad days but they grow farther between and fewer with everyday on her ship.  
  
She screams and considers the ways he could leave her. His face is stunned when he begins to scream back.  
  
Kaidan feels himself start to flounder with the knowledge that most people his age have already done this. They have fought with their girlfriends over silly things like who should cook dinner or bring out the trash. They hadn’t watched their girlfriends walk away from them for the last time or had to imagine life with their absence. He knew that every promotion came with the denial of another adulthood milestone and the unanswered question if a time would come for him to find someone to share his life with.   
  
They had arrived on Thessia in a raging storm that would keep them in the city an extra week. Liara greeted them under a wide gray umbrella, ushering them into the large well-appointed manor along a mass of ancient and gnarled redwoods. The fight had started almost immediately upon entering their shared room that Liara had proudly announced was especially built for Shepard.  
  
A support bar on the right side of the bed, specially built therapeutic bath, and Shepard felt herself grow embarrassed as Kaidan pushed down his question about why Liara knew which side of the bed she slept on.  
  
“We just arrived, did you need to throw it on the floor?” Shepard yelled, trying to discretely support her hip.  
  
He opened his mouth to yell back before pausing, his eyes growing concerned, “Is your back okay?”  
  
Shepard shook her head, starting to move towards a chair.  
  
“I’m sorry Jane,” Kaidan met her at her side, helping her to sit, “I didn’t realize it had fallen, I don’t have a knack for Asari bathrooms.”  
  
She laughed a little before groaning, leaning back again.  
  
“I just think all of the decorations are towel racks and the towels racks are decorations,” he continued, her face growing brighter, “And I never know what the soap is.”  
  
“I’m sorry Kaidan,” she leaned her head into his shoulder, “I just hate this.”  
  
“You hate what?” he wrapped his hands around her, starting to knead the sensitive spot.  
  
“Feeling less than,” she relaxed more into him, “I can’t even pick up a towel normally.”  
  
“Is that the only thing that caused this?” he asked.  
  
“We had to fight so I decided to be dumb and bring it up sooner,” her voice sounded self-conscious as she looked away from him, “You know me, I never like things the easy way.”  
  
Kaidan helped her sit up, locking eyes with her, “You will never be less than, you are Admiral Jane Shepard and Krogans sing songs about your accomplishments.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” she tried to break the eye contact, but he met it again.  
  
“I love you and I’m not going anywhere, we’re going to fight sometimes so you have to get used to it and it will get easier,” he said with a smile, “You are a stubborn woman who can’t take no for an answer.”  
  
“And you are a moody man who can’t find a towel rack to save his life,” she smiled back, “And I love you too.”  
  
The second fight occurred a month later over a particularly violent game of football he found her playing in the cargo hold and her spectacular face plant over her robot dog.  
  
Kaidan was right, it had gotten easier.  
  
 _Urdnot Grunt’s Home, Tuchanka, December 2199 CE_  
  
“Urdnot Wrex gifted it to me,” he said proudly, ushering Shepard, Kaidan, and the children into the living room, “The future mother of my children will live here with me.”  
  
Shepard patted him on the shoulder, “It is wonderful.”  
  
“He also said that he would have given you a home as well, but you did let the Rachni Queen live,” Grunt explained, motioning for them to sit on the oversized stone chairs.  
  
“Wrex did always have a good memory,” Shepard sighed.  
  
 _Temple of Athame, Thessia, July 2187 CE_  
  
“They’ve decided to give us a few moments alone in here,” Liara explained as the crew walked into the sanctuary, “To prepare ourselves.”  
  
The entire crew of the Normandy SR-2 had been invited to the public unveiling and re-dedication of the Temple of Athame, their final reunion before the anniversary of the end of the Reaper War in London.   
  
“Have you heard from Javik?” Shepard asked, staring at the Prothean relics in front of them.  
  
Liara shook her head, “Not since the relay reopening, I don’t think he wants to be found.”  
  
“Still, it would’ve been nice to have everyone here,” Garrus responded, moving next to the two women.  
  
“Not everyone,” Shepard corrected, starting towards the front of the room.  
  
Garrus nodded, “At least Thane can be happy that we killed that bastard Kai Leng after Thessia.”  
  
“And Legion wouldn’t know the first thing to do on Thessia,” Shepard conceded, “I can’t imagine the questions we would be getting.”  
  
“EDI would’ve loved it,” Joker spoke up, taking a seat in their positions in front.  
  
“The Asaris would’ve loved her,” Liara giggled, “She’d have quite the fan club.”  
  
Joker’s face broke into a smile, “You always know just what to say.”  
  
 _Abandoned Settler Homestead, Mindoir, January 2200 CE_   
  
  
  
“When I lived here, all I wanted to do was leave,” she kicked a rock down the dusty road, “It was so tiny.”  
  
“And now?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her.  
  
“I miss the sound of my dad’s tractor waking me up, or my brother’s wooden blocks spilled across the living room floor,” she smiled faintly, “I miss the cellar lined with glass jars of jams and vegetables and my mother’s apron stained from the entire process.”  
  
They had arrived on Mindoir after she had received a small package containing a yellowing set of papers giving the twenty acres to the Shepard family. The original deed had been discovered in hard copy in a long-abandoned record hall after an attempt by a Volus mining company to buy the entirety of the spread.  
  
All of it left to the sole heir, a woman who had tried to forget the sharp cerulean of the sky and the fields of wheat that would stretch in front of them. She had tried to blot out the feeling of her cotton dress whipping around her legs as she sprinted over the hills, her eyes set on the ships arriving and docking at the nearest port.   
  
Mindoir had never forgotten her but it wasn’t home for her anymore and the empty pre-fab house she could remember waking up in seemed like a story she had once read in school.   
  
“I hid in the cellar,” she explained approaching the building, “We had heard vehicles approaching, we lived far enough from town that it was a rare occurrence.”   
  
It was untouched, door still secure with a rusting truck parked in front.   
  
Mindoir had rebuilt after the tragedy but you would still find moments frozen in time, family homes still waiting for their inhabitants to return.   
  
Shepard punched a code on the door and held her breath as the door slide opened. “They shot my father outside, he had wanted to convince them there was no one else here and they shot him,” she said quietly, moving into the living room, “My mother hadn’t made it downstairs yet, my little brother had been taking a nap.”  
  
Kaidan looked around the small room as a museum of her childhood, the toys dusty in a corner, a collection of baby pictures on the wall. She moved around the room slowly, hands gliding over each surface.  
  
“My mom and dad had gotten married on Earth,” Shepard explained, “They had moved to Mindoir the year before I was born on a homesteader’s grant from the Alliance. My mom had been planning on being a career woman but fell in love with a farmer who dreamed of his own land off-planet.”  
  
She paused on a picture, picking it up to look closely and let her fingers settle on each face. “My brother was born when I was thirteen and had been a complete surprise,” she smiled, stopping on the small baby in the photo, “But they loved him so much, he lit up a room.”  
  
“I wish I had known them,” Kaidan followed her as she started down the hall, “I bet they were wonderful.”  
  
Shepard paused in front of a sunlit room, faded pink curtains tinting the white walls and illuminating a set of crystals over the window.   
  
“My father could fix anything from tractor to talking doll, he was so smart,” she walked into the room, sitting on the small bed covered in a white lace comforter, And my mom was so brave. She delivered my brother here by herself before the midwife could arrive, and when the Batarians tried to take him, she refused and fought back.”  
  
Shepard picked up a small teddy bear positioned on the pillow, “I was able to get into a small panic room my father had built at my mother’s urging. She had seen some of the early colony incidents and wanted us to be safe.”  
  
She smiled, giving the stuffed animal a hug before placing it into the bag slung around her shoulder. “I don’t want to keep the land for me,” she stood, grabbing a framed photo off of the dresser, “I want to keep it for them. They loved this place so much.”  
  
He nodded as she exited the room walking back to the living room.  
  
“I am an orphan. I went through every moment of my teenager years alone and sat in basic training hoping for anyone to call,” she paused briefly, moving taking a large framed photo off of the wall, “I want to give a home to a child that went through what I did, someone who doesn’t have anyone.”  
  
“Can you imagine how excited David will be to no longer be the youngest?” Kaidan said with a laugh as Shepard faced him with a stunned look on her face.  
  
“You don’t need to think about it?” she asked confused, “It is okay if you do.”  
  
“I want this,” he said, wrapping his arms around his wife, “I didn’t know how much until you said it, but I do.”  
  
They receive a call eight months later about a small human child born on new human colony, abandoned on the steps of a small chapel. No one is surprised when the order comes through for construction for a new nursery on the Normandy.  
  
They receive their second call two years later about a small turian baby born on the Citadel to an mother who didn’t make it and a father who couldn’t be found. The Normandy grows a little louder and Joker enrolls a new future student into his miniature flight school.


	11. Chapter 11

_Cargo Bay, Normandy SR-2, August 2187 CE_  
  
“Lola, don’t make me hurt you,” James circled her, putting his hands up.  
  
“Vega, I’ve increased my flexibility 110% since my accident, you’d have to catch me first,” she ducked, dodging his first swing and connecting with her own.  
  
He chuckled, shaking off the blow, “You’ll just have me court martialed if I win anyways.”   
  
Shepard moved in again, sidestepping his next attempt and sweeping his legs quickly. “If I haven’t had you court martialed yet, I think you are probably safe,” she laughed, standing over his fallen form.  
  
James jumped up, brushing off his pants. “Are you ready to give up on the cane now?” he asked, eyeing it leaning against Steve’s control panel.  
  
Shepard walked over to it, looking over the thin piece of metal before picking it up and depositing it in her weapons locker. “I’m ready to at least try taking a break,” she said, shutting the door.  
  
“Best two out of three then?” James asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
“I’ve got next,” Kaidan yelled from the elevator door, wrapping his hands.  
  
 _Arcas Satellite Hotel, Above Arcadia, December 2192 CE_  
  
The first surprise had been the temporary closure of their pool due to mineral content imbalance, the Asari owners embarrassed that their certified therapeutic water was not up to their standards.  
  
“It is okay, there are still a lot of different things for us to do,” Kaidan said trying to stay upbeat.  
  
The next had been the suspension of planetside tours due to a planet-wide dust storm. Normally they would be given daily opportunities to explore the numerous geological features but their shuttles had been temporarily grounded.  
  
“It is only momentary, and we can keep busy,” Kaidan had swallowed hard, turning from the concierge's desk.  
  
The final surprise had been the resort’s commitment to peacefulness and its removal of all televisions and info-terminals throughout the station.  
  
“Due to the rotation of the ship, we can only depart every three days,” he paced the room, “I can’t believe this.”  
  
“There might be positives to not being able to leave the room,” she said with a smile, leaning back on their bed.  
  
Kaidan would later tell people it was the best vacation they had ever been on.  
  
 _Shepard’s Quarters, Normandy SR-2, August 2187 CE_  
  
The mission is supposed to be barely a note on their service record, a quick fly-by of an abandoned Cerberus station to pull data files and shut down the power. Instead they find a group of scientists and soldiers trying to bring back Reaper tech through human testing and banned AI programs.  
  
Vega winds up in the infirmary for a week while Kaidan nurses several broken ribs from the fire fight. Shepard takes out the steel-booted soldier rapidly kicking his torso in a flash across the room, her biotic energy flaring as they clear the space. The self-destruct mode takes seconds to start and the Normandy is half a solar-system away by the time the explosion can be seen from the Observation Deck.  
  
She seems to silently seeth during the debrief, looking around the room at the few soldiers who could still make it under their own steam and begging for answers.   
  
“The intel was solid,” the information officer defends herself, “We had multiple verifications and could find nothing on scans.”  
  
“We need information immediately on what the failure was here,” Shepard scans the group with an authoritative glare, “I want reports from everyone within two days.”  
  
The rest of the evening quickly becomes a series of Alliance and Council meetings, Kaidan lying quietly on their bed as Shepard repeats her story.  
  
“No, all evidence was destroyed.”  
  
“Yes, I do think there might be other stations.”  
  
“No, I don’t know if it is possible.”  
  
“Yes, I do think Cerberus is back.”  
  
He waits for her to tuck herself under the blankets and lay gently against his unbruised side before speaking again.  
  
“Are you okay?” he asks quietly as she starts to shake softly against him.  
  
“I just forgot for a little while that it isn’t over yet,” she whispers before the tears take her over.  
  
 _Delivery Room C, Medical Ship Salk, June 2192 CE_  
  
Shepard had found out she was pregnant in their cabin’s bathroom, stealing the test while Chakwas attended to Kaidan’s migraine. After her fifth day of morning sickness, she had decided to investigate or she may have to return early to the Citadel from their mission.   
  
The small plus had formed and she had started to cry mostly happy tears. Her heart had swelled with pride, but Shepard knew there was a dark part of her that was terrified.

  
  
She knew how to fight an enemy, she didn’t know how to protect a child.   
  
“Shepard?” Kaidan moved to his wife’s side as she tried to shuffle from the delivery room, “I would give you anything, but I think we’re pretty locked into having a child.”  
  
Her face grew determined, “But I just need like two more weeks, a month tops.”  
  
“Jane, are you okay?” Kaidan sounded nervous, trying to steer her back into the room, “Do you need me to get a nurse?”  
  
“I’m fine,” she paused for a moment as a contraction flowed through her, her entire body tensing, “No, actually, I think you are right and I do need to have this baby.”  
  
The news crews had started to send shuttles in, the hospital moving to Shepard Delivery Plan D in case of the story leaking to the press. Sam had already begun funneling people into a conference room to wait for official news updates and started the brokering on the first photographs, all proceeds going to orphans of the Reaper Invasion.   
  
“Have we found the one thing you are scared of?,” Kaidan helped his very pregnant wife sit on her bed, “Well, this and clowns.”  
  
“How are you not terrified?” Shepard asked, taking his hand, “And everyone is scared of clowns.”  
  
“We are going to be amazing parents,” he shrugged, “You give so much of your time and money to children everywhere and you have essentially raised a well-adjusted Krogan.”  
  
“Are you sure?” Shepard questioned him, “Can I keep a child safe?”  
  
Kaidan smiled, squeezing her hand, “You kept a galaxy safe, I think you can handle a daughter.”  
  
“What if she takes after her mom?” she smiled back.  
  
“I can’t think of anything that I would want more.”  
  
  



	12. Chapter 12

_A Parade Stand, London, September 2187 CE_  
  
The statue was revealed on the anniversary of the end of the Reaper War, a marble carved collection of ships from around the galaxy flying in formation, a solitary soldier positioned at the rear, facing away from the group. It sat in the newly named David Anderson Memorial Park for the Alliance soldier that Shepard credited with the success of their force that day.  
  
“When I first came to London, it was with my dear friend who had been born here,” she started, looking over the crowd, “It killed him that day to see his home destroyed, but if he could see it now he would be proud.”  
  
Shepard paused to let the applause rise through the audience, taking the moment to look over the faces of her friends in the front row.  
  
“We’ve learned over this past year the true resilience of the galaxy and what we can accomplish when work together,” she continued, “I am honored to count myself among the scores of species and people who fought back and refused to let ourselves be conquered.” Her voice rose at the end, the sentence coming out as a cheer.   
  
They applauded again as Shepard steadied herself for what would come next.  
  
“To be able to stand here on my planet and know we have retaken our planet was my greatest dream and to experience it is beyond whatever I could have imagined,” she concluded, “I thank our galaxy for standing with me and I thank my dear friend David Anderson, my second father and my hero, who never let me give up hope.”   
  
With a flick of her wrist, a beam of light streamed from the center of London once again.  
  
But this time, it was a thick stream of golden light illuminating the soldier standing in the middle of the installation, the face staring up at the sky.  
  
 _A Private Reception, Eden Prime, March 2190 CE_  
  
Kaidan and Shepard had been married for the first time in a private ceremony on the Citadel, only the officiant and Joker present. They had made the decision after the attempt on her life, not to wait any longer.  
  
It had taken place in the middle of the night, Kaidan and Shepard wearing their dress blues and Joker refusing to remove his pajamas about the obvious prank they were playing on him. Later as the officiant signed the marriage license and a non-disclosure agreement, Joker admitted that he didn’t realized it was real until they had kissed.  
  
They had thought about the easiest way to break the news to friends and family until Joker had set them straight in the middle of their living room.  
  
“You both can’t get married in secret,” Joker explained, sitting across from them, “You need to recognize that some of these moments aren’t just yours anymore.”  
  
“But do you really think people are going to be upset?” Shepard asked dubiously, “It was just important to have it done.”  
  
“Take a moment and think of everyone’s face as you tell them,” he countered, watching Kaidan and Shepard’s face slowly go through realizing the impact.  
  
“Why didn’t you stop us?” Kaidan asked.  
  
Joker shrugged, “I was happy you took the leap, I just thought you had thought through this part.”  
  
The first slip up for the secret occurred the next month when Kaidan asked for his wife and the room had froze around the word.  
  
The next slip up had been an innocent joke about being a bridesmaid from Liara that threw Shepard into guilty tears in front of her friend.  
  
Neither had realized how complicated getting married was.  
  
The plan to elope again was created after a series of media requests to plan their wedding and Hackett’s memo to senior leadership over how wonderful a large state ceremony would be to inspire the people of earth.  
  
But it didn’t matter that the ceremony on Eden Prime wasn’t the first.  
  
Shepard still teared up when Kaidan promised to never lose her again.   
  
Kaidan still grinned when she promised to always ask before touching Prothean beacons.   
  
And when their friends cheered as they kissed, both of them realized that both of their weddings had been perfect.  
  
 _The Alenko Family Home, Vancouver, September 2187 CE_  
  
“I haven’t had a day off since I was in custody,” Shepard took the beer from him, putting her feet onto the railing of Kaidan’s parents’ house.   
  
He sat next to her on the swing as they could see the sun beginning to sink into the bay.   
  
“I bet that was very relaxing,” he laughed, “A whole month not being told to save the world.”  
  
“And no alarm clock,” she added, “It is one of my fondest periods of time.”  
  
She placed her head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her. Shepard sighed happily as Kaidan continued drinking his beer.  
  
“But I’ll be bored in like a week,” she admitted laughing.  
  
He smiled, “I already have a mission for us, you have a week to be bored in a Vancouver, a week to be bored on the Citadel, and then we’ll be trying to secure eezo shipments in the Skyllian Verge.”  
  
“That sounds like a great vacation,” she beamed, turning to take in the sunset, “I love stopping pirates.”  
  
 _Drive Core, Normandy SR-1, May 2183 CE_  
  
They had both snuck out of the crew quarters, not wanting to wake up the sleeping soldiers with their drunken laughter. The skeleton crew overnight were going through their motions as Shepard and Kaidan snuck into the Drive Core to marvel at it and not bother anyone.   
  
It spun rapidly in front of them, two adults turned into amazed children in its sight. Shepard moved a little closer to him and Kaidan promised himself it was his imagination when her arm brushed his.  
  
“Are you excited?” she looked at him, her cheeks pink with the alcohol or at least that’s what Kaidan told himself.  
  
He nodded, “I really can’t wait.”  
  
“Me neither,” she smiled.  
  
Shepard reached down and interlaced her fingers with his as they stared out into the engine. Kaidan tensed for a moment before relaxing his hand into hers.   
  
She took a deep breath and he stole a glance at her radiant face in the blue glowing light, her eyes wide and happy.  
  
“We are lucky,” she squeezed his hand, reveling in their private moment.  
  
He kept his eyes stuck on her, “Yes, we really are.”


End file.
